he road to makassar
cafe tacuba blasts on my headphones. our driver is crazy. he is texting in the rain on a 2 lane road that should be one. the bumps are annoying. im on the back seat while andy sits in front. our minivan is filled with gear so i have only the room i’m actually occupying.
ive been upcountry the past few days and have had no internet access. its actually amazing to be able to not check my messages, email, social networks and blog.
as usual, trips like this bring up both thoughts and ideas. thoughts about how this all works out and ideas that make no sense.
the opportunities that im blessed with are amazing. is it scary to say that they also scare me. they scare me cause they rock my worldview. my worldview about the way life is supposed to be and how i am supposed to view god.
i do know that the more i am away from family and friends the more i reflect on how much i love them.
my wife. the more i am separated from her, the more i am proud to talk about her and mention her by wife instead of rach. i usually say MY wife.
My wife, is more than a friend, companion, and lover, I cant explain it. she’s a blessing from god and one of god’s tools to help keep me together. she helps sustain my being and gives me hope.
i thiink about the times when she laughs at me, and with me. i dont mind that she laughs at me, i like it. i sometimes act stupid or pretend like i dont know what is going on just to get her to laugh at me. her laugh, smile and the whole package that goes with it, really makes me happy and brings me great pleasure. the energy that comes with her joy can really change my day if it sucks.
times like this i think about what i should do to love my family more. my brother, my sisters, mom and dad. i think about how i am grown, out of the house and rarely spend time with them anymore. i think back and dream about our family gatherings. sundays after church, eating posole or tamales. or going to my aunt’s house on sunday and eating chicken and rice while the adults had mole. (funny i say that cause i guess im an adult now cause i love mole. )
or what about getting up early on a saturday morning to help my dad build something….i love him, he is always building something. if he’s not building, he is painting, cleaning, cutting, chopping, or teasing us in some loving way.
i remember getting up saturday mornings to the vacume cleaner and my mom singning, “rise and shine, give god your glory glory, rise and shine, give god your glory glory…” that was her way of saying, “get up, there are chores to do”. after that she would put on her cool late 80’s and early 90’s jams.
my sisters, they are always together…..always. for some reason, i have always felt safe around them. they have never said no to me, have always served me and really have always been willing to do just about anything. i sometime view them more as my second pair of moms. tey take care of me (even though im like 6-7 years order than them). i remember giving them rides to school and it being super quiet in the car. i would sing and make a full out of myslef, to help them get a jump start on their day. they didnt talk much, it they did, it was to tell me i was weird or ask who was going to pick them up. i loved it. i dont blame them. how do they respond to a weird older brother when they are figuering themselves out and going through highschool adventures?
my brother…where to begin. he’s my friend, the guy who has seen me spanked more times than should be normal. i used to get jelous that he never got in trouble. i used to think my parents liked him more till i realized, he just didnt do what i did. i was the guinee pig on figuering our parents out. in most cases the older brother is looked up to. in this case, i look up to him. i believe he is wise and enjoy hearing his insight on life, god, and how it all connects.
so these are my thoughts when im on the other side of the world. i can think about what i am seeing and experiencing but for other reasons i choose this.